Addict In Recovery

By: Jason Marcle

The word recovery is often used to describe someone that is turning away from their addiction. It is also a word used to describe someone that is healing from an injury, surgery, or any other health condition. Many today still do not understand that an addict did not choose the addiction, even though they did choose to use that substance in the beginning. Have you ever wondered why some people can drink alcohol every day for years and easily put it down and quit with no issues? Why are there others that can drink the same amount or even less but cannot stop without help? Think about that. The latter person was born with a gene that the first person was not. I have heard it described as the addict having an allergy to alcohol or whatever the substance of choice may be.

Even though I am an alcoholic, I have no addiction issues with drugs. You can give me prescription opioid pain killers, Xanax, muscle relaxers, etc. I do not have a problem with any of those. I can take them, and I can easily stop taking them. They do not do anything for me. Others though, really struggle with these medications but do not struggle with alcohol.

UNDERSTANDING FROM OTHERS

It is hard to get others outside of addiction to understand these things. I hate it when I hear someone say, “I used to be an alcoholic or drug addict.” I will always be an alcoholic. I will never be able to drink any alcohol of any kind because my mind does not tell me when to stop drinking. No matter how dizzy I feel, how bad my stomach hurts, or how bad my head is hurting, I will still want another drink. That is not normal. I cannot just drink one. I must keep on drinking until I pass out or go to sleep.

People like me, who are addicted to something, will always have that addiction. We are sick. We do not want to be sick, but we are. Nobody with a good mind wants to be sick or chooses to be sick. That is why those of us who are overcoming their addictions are considered to be in “Recovery.” We are recovering from our addictions; we are recovering from our bad choices. We finally understand that we have a real problem and that not only is that problem affecting our health, jobs, social life, and mental health, it is affecting our families the same way.

I can only speak from my experience as I have never been in anybody else’s shoes. When I was participating in drinking alcohol, I was living a double life. I drank in secret. I did not drink in front of others. To the world, I was a Christian, a father, a husband, a friend, a respected individual in the workplace. I was a Sunday school teacher and a Deacon in the church.

As humans, we judge others even when we do not mean to. One reason I did not want to ask for help is because I have heard how people in my family talked about other addicts. “You know he was a real bad alcoholic” was the first thing that some of my family would mention when talking about someone they knew with an addiction. I did not want people, especially my family, to think about me in that way. I did not want others to say things like that when they talked about me to someone.

I even tried to stop drinking by myself once. I quit for 16 months until my head began to play dirty tricks on me. “You are not an alcoholic. You stopped without any type of recovery program. You did not have to go to a detox center. You never got a DUI.” These are the things my head would say. One day someone gave me a small jar of homemade moonshine. While listening to my head, I took a sip of that moonshine. That sip turned into that whole jar, just like that. Next, I decided that I would start making my own hard cider and apple jack.

I am telling everyone this because I hope it will help others think about how they talk about others. You never know who is struggling with some type of addiction and they hear you talk about someone with a known problem in a demeaning way. It could stop somebody from asking someone for help.

I was almost 3 years sober when my father died. I was almost 4 years sober when my mother died. To my knowledge, neither of them ever knew that I was an alcoholic. I did not want them to think less of me even though I was active in a recovery program. Do you want your children to not ask you for help because of how they have heard you speak about others? All of us would answer no. This is why I am bringing this to your attention.

Today, some of the most honest people I know are former addicts. I know things about others that would scare many, but I trust them more than some non-addicts. If an addict is active in recovery, they are keeping a gratitude list, they are trying to make their past wrongs right. They are trying to repay their debts with honest work. They are trying to live differently. They know that how they lived in the past did not work out so well. We try to do right the first time because that is one less apology we must make.

SPIRTITUAL SATISFACTION FROM OTHERS

Many times, I will get more spiritual satisfaction from visiting a recovery group than going to church. Most in a recovery program are searching for God, where many at church are just going through the motions of church. I love it when I am around someone that shows a real passion for God, someone that is happy when they speak of God, someone that sings with excitement and smiles when talking about Jesus and what He has done for us. These are the types of people that get my attention.

I have two main reasons for writing this mental health blog and discussing party of my addiction recovery story.

1. If you are someone battling any kind of addiction, please seek help. Do not be afraid of what others will think. They would rather you get well than continue in your addictions. Remember that you are not alone. I guarantee that if you walk into a meeting of addicts seeking help. you will see that everyone in that room will understand what you are going through. They will even help you get through the tough times. It is a judgement free zone. I will have another blog that focuses on the Joy of Recovery. Be sure to check it out.
2. If you know someone that is currently living with an addiction or someone that has overcome addictions, please be careful how you speak about them. Please do not judge those people based on the struggles they are facing or have survived. It could deter someone from seeking help when they need it. You never know who is looking up you and listening.