Can You See?

By: Jason Marcle

While working on one of my projects, I ran across this
stickman comic that really made me think. 

This comic reminded me of an important lesson I have learned
in recovery. To complete the twelve steps, we have to ask our Higher Power, (in my case it is God), for several different things.  We ask God to remove all of our defects of character. We then ask God to remove our shortcomings, through prayer and meditation, we seek to improve our conscious contact with God as we understand Him. I pray only for knowledge of His will for me and the power to carry that out.  Without working the steps in order, I cannot
find the spiritual awakening that we are seeking.  

Matthew 23:26 says, “Blind Pharisee! First clean the inside
of the cup and dish, and then the outside also will be clean.”  This is not speaking of a cup or dish literally. It is saying that we need to look at ourselves first. We need to cleanse ourselves of sin before we go and judge others.  We need to not close our eyes when it comes to ourselves.  If I keep my eyes closed, I will remain blind to sin.  How can I see
the correct path if my eyes are closed? How can I acknowledge sin if I am not
looking?  

1 John 2:11 says, “But anyone who hates a brother or sister
is in the darkness and walks around in the darkness. They do not know where
they are going, because the darkness has blinded them.”  That hits close to home with me.  I still struggle with forgiving others. I can
forgive most people but there are two people that I really struggle with
forgiving. I am working on it as I know I need to forgive to be forgiven.  That word hate though, gets me every time. In recovery, we are told to forgive others even if they do not ask for our forgiveness.  We forgive others because
that helps us in recovery.  I am working on forgiving 2 individuals. I have been working on this since 2018.  At one point, I knew exactly what hate was. I had even made comments like “I hope I can be there when so and so dies so I can spit on them and laugh.  That is hate. I do not have those feelings anymore towards the two individuals, but I still struggle with forgiving them.  You see
they were involved in an accident that took two innocent lives. Yes, I know the
keyword is “accident,” but when you come and tell the family the truth of how the accident really happened and then you tell the state troopers a completely different story to protect someone, that is no accident.  Even if they came out with the truth today, it would not bring back the two innocent lives that were taken. That thought has helped me with the forgiving process.  Romans 12:19-21 states, “Dearly beloved, avenge not yourselves, but rather give place unto wrath: for it is written, Vengeance is mine; I will repay, saith the Lord. Therefore if thine enemy hunger, feed him; if he thirst, give him drink: for in so doing thou shalt heap coals of fire on his head.

That last verse has helped me over the last few years. I
know that God has got this, and he will take care of this situation one day.
The part I have trouble with is “if thine enemy hunger, feed him.” That is some
very strong words.  I ask myself often what if one of these two individuals came to me hungry? What would I do? Would I turn them away or would I feed them?  This is a very serious question that I am scared to answer on most days.

My eyes have been closed on several unique occasions.
Sometimes I may pray for something, and God answers my prayers differently. He may not answer my request the way I want him to, but He will answer. If I do not open my eyes, I may not ever recognize the answer God has placed before me.  If I keep my eyes closed for too long, they could stay closed as I could become blind to sin again. I have
noticed that when things do not work out the way I plan for them to, I get
aggravated and sometimes angry.  It is because when my eyes are closed, I think I know what is best instead of opening my eyesto see what God has in store for me.

I blamed God when My father passed away. Then, four months
later, my best friend passed away. Eight months after that, my mother passed
away.  I blamed God for hating me. I
asked God why he did not love me anymore and why was he taking everyone from me. What I failed to realize it that I was being selfish. I failed to realize that God did answer prayers. The answer was not the answer I was looking for, but it was for the best. It was Gods plan.  My father had stage 4 lung cancer, my best friend was sick with covid and had a bad stroke, my mother was sick with covid and had multiple pneumothorax’s which
means she had several tubes coming out of her lungs to help remove fluid d due to complications of the covid.  My father is
no longer suffering. He has no pain. My best friend does not have to live in a
nursing home due to brain damage from the stroke. He does not have to suffer on the ventilator and ECMO any longer. My mother does not have to live in a nursing home with tubes coming out of her chest for the rest of her life. She does not have to grieve daily anymore over the loss of her husband. She is with him again. Gods plan was for the best.

If I kept my eyes closed, I would not be able to recognize
these things that God has done. If I kept them closed, I would continue to
grieve in a way that is unhealthy. I would stay angry at everyone around me. I
would continue to blame God for removing so many loved ones from my life in
such a brief period of time. I would still have hate in my heart. Again, that
is a dangerous word that I do not use lightly. I still have several things I
need to work on but by opening my eyes, I have realized that it is not all
about me. The world will never revolve around me, and it should not. I am not
that important. God helped my friends and family in ways that I cannot even
understand. He helped them in a way that nobody else could. He always knows what is best for us.

I encourage you to open your eyes and keep them open. The
world is a very dark place when you keep your eyes closed.

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