The Search for Peace

By: Jason Marcle

Let me start with a few questions. Have you ever heard the expression you are what you eat?  How about you are what you think?  Have you ever been told that your actions and thought process can be influenced by those you hang around? Do you feel like you are influenced by what music you listen to or what kind of television you watch?

You see, I have been on a treasure hunt for quite some time. Even before experiencing the recent trauma, I have been searching for peace.  So many religious organizations teach about how you can find peace through their teachings, recovery programs promise peace if you take certain steps. Not having inner peace inside you opens up the door to many harmful things. You have to be careful while searching because Satan will throw so many things at you while you are weak. He will present things that look peaceful and sounds peaceful just to push you farther from actual peace.  I picture myself as Indiana Jones searching for the Lost Ark, when all of a sudden Indiana makes a bad move and a huge boulder starts coming after him.  You see that boulder is Satan. He patiently sits there waiting for that one small wrong move. When you make that one small move, he starts coming hard for you.

I want to share some things I have learned during my search for peace. Some of these things you may find in other blogs I have written, but I want to share some again for those who may not have read all of the previous blogs.

1. Your eyes are a very important part of finding peace. They are not only a window to your soul, but they are also a tool that your soul uses to see the world.

What do you let your eyes see?  Do you feed your soul with negative people, or do you feed your soul with positive people? Pay attention to what people are saying around you. Are they complaining about others or are they building others up?  Are these people too busy pointing out everybody’s mistakes or are they helping others correct their mistakes?  You will never find peace by running others down and pointing out every single mistake while trying to make yourself look better. Surround yourself with negative people, you will acquire a negative attitude yourself and that is the thought process Satan wants you to have. It plants more doubt and fear into your soul. It plants more dislike in your heart. The more you say something, the more you believe it.  

• How do you let your eyes interpret things they see? When you see someone on the corner asking for money, what goes through your head? Do you immediately think “look at that poor individual. I feel sorry for them.” Or do you think, “look at that dirty individual. I bet if I gave them money, they would buy boos and dope.” You may even think, “that person looks scary. I don’t want to approach that person they may rob me or hurt me.” Obviously, we do need to use our best judgement in these situations if you are alone.  Don’t be quick to judge others. You will be judged on the same level as everyone else one day. Satan wants you to feel like you are better than everyone else. How can you find peace if you are constantly talking negative about everyone else you see?
• What do you allow your ears to hear? Do you accustom them to foul language daily? Do you listen to music that talks about hate, women, drugs, drinking, etc?  Do you listen to music that is uplifting or even inspiring to you?  I love music. I love to hear music that speaks to me. Some music seemed like the songwriter took my words and put music to them.  But there is other music that degrades women, degrades religion, degrades positive thinking.  If I listen to the song “Loser” by Beck everyday and sing along, I may start thinking I am a loser. If I fill my Jeep with something inspiring, then I may start feeling better about my situation.
• What do you allow your mouth to say?  If you tell yourself something long enough you will eventually believe it. How do those you hang around talk to you? Do they speak to you with respect, or do they constantly knock you down?  Do you tell yourself daily “I can do this” or “I can’t do this?”  If you tell yourself “I can’t” enough, you will believe it and that is negative thinking.  Tell yourself that “I am going to do this” or “I can do this, maybe with a little help, but I will get it done.” Tell yourself daily that you are worth it. We all are God’s children. He created us all equal. If God felt like you were important enough to create, then who are you to think otherwise?

This past week I was talking to an old friend of mine, and I was telling him about my journey for inner peace. He asked me to write down 5 things that I am grateful for and 5 things I like about myself every day. Do you know how hard it is for me to write down 5 things I like about myself?  That is really hard for me.  Gratitude is easy as I am thankful for a lot of things. But things I like about myself? Wow.  That does not come easy to me as I have never really liked myself very much. There are things I like about me, but for me to say I like myself sounds crazy in my mind.  This friend of mine is in a recovery program just like me. He is on the same journey. He has more experience than me so in this situation, I know I need to quit complaining and whining and write down 5 things I like about myself.

Gratitude                                                    Things I like about myself.

1.God providing me salvation   \    I am still searching for a strong faith and peace.

2. My daughters desire to do well in college    \    I have a big heart when it comes to family.

3. Thankful for waking up and getting another chance \ I am good at my job and others respect me

4. I have a wife that loves me   \    I like that I am trying to help others through a blog

5. The beautiful sunrise this morning   \  I like that I journal my thoughts either good or bad

It is a start, I guess.

I challenge you to start writing your own list every morning and see what it does for you.

My recovery program makes several promises to me. There is a catch though. I have to work for them. They do not come naturally.  I am going to share them here:

“We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  We will comprehend the work serenity and we will know peace.  No matter how far down the scale we have gone. We will see how our experience can benefit others. That feeling of uselessness and self pity will disappear. We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  Self seeking will slip away. Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.  Fear of people and economic insecurity will leave us. We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us. We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we can’t do for ourselves. Are these extravagant promises? We think not!  They are being fulfilled among us – sometimes quickly. Sometimes slowly. They will Always materialize if we work for them.” –  Alcoholics Anonymous page 83-84.

I am still searching for peace. I am much better off today than I was several years ago. I need to trust in my Higher Power more. That is one of my biggest downfalls.  I still want to control outcomes; I still want to take the wheel and drive instead of letting my Higher Power.  I am not perfect, but my Higher Power is. I ask myself, “why can’t I just let him drive? Why would I not want a perfect being to take control? Someone that can not crash, someone that will not let me fail if I put my trust in them?”

My search for peace will continue. I will not give up. I just have to work harder.  That boulder is getting a little easier to slow down today. 5 years ago, I could have cared less about a sunrise and today I am documenting how thankful I am to experience it. That is progress and I will take it.