Reaching Out

By: Jason Marcle

I got the idea for this blog from an old AT&T slogan “Reach out and touch someone” that was originally used to promote long-distance telephone service, emphasizing the ability to connect with loved ones who were far away. We can also apply this phrase to those dealing with depression/anxiety, those in recovery, or those that simply need help of some sort.

According to the Cambridge Dictionary, the definition of the word reach is to communicate with someone in a different place. The Oxford Languages Dictionary says: stretch out an arm in a specified direction in order to touch or grasp something. How could we apply reaching out to those with various needs?

When a newcomer first attends a recovery meeting, they are normally given a phone list of all the attendees that are present. This is so that the newcomer now has someone to reach out to when they are struggling. This newcomer now has some tools to work with. A list of people that can relate and understand the newcomer’s struggles. This list is a great asset to the newcomer only if they decide to use it. This is an expectation in the recovery process. Just like any other tool, the list will only work if the newcomer uses it.

This phone list is not just for newcomers to use. That is just the beginning. This list is meant to be expanded as you meet new people in recovery. This way you always have someone to talk to even if you have 10 years of sobriety. Everyone needs a list or a group of people to call when they are struggling. I have seen people with several years of sobriety lose it all because they refused to use their list. It is an incredibly sad situation. I even had a friend that lost their life when they relapsed. It is a scary situation that nobody should ever face alone.

There are others that can use the same type of list to help them deal with various problems. We all need someone from time to time to talk to. It greatly helps when that person can relate to what the other person is currently facing. Those of us who are battling anxiety, grief and or depression, can greatly benefit from a list like this. If you are like me, you may tend to hold things in. You may not want to discuss your feelings with anyone. I do not want to burden others with my problems. I do not want to bring others down with me. They are my problems, not anybody else’s. That is what my head will tell me anyway. If you have not noticed it yet, I can be stubborn.

After a friend of mine was murdered in high school, I shut down. I did not want to talk about it to anyone. I did not eat, I was angry, I wanted to be by myself. I did not want to reach out to anyone. My parents tried talking to me, my friends tried talking to me, my girlfriend at the time tried talking to me. I did not want any part of it. That kind of mindset gets kind of scary and lonely. Two months following my friend’s death, another friend of mine was killed in an automobile accident. This almost pushed me over the edge and at that point I reached out and got a counselor. I had to talk to someone. This helped greatly. Just having someone to listen to me felt great. It is good to talk to someone and get everything off of your chest. You will be amazed at how much difference this makes.

I hope everyone reads this next section very closely as it could save someone else’s life. There is another side to reaching out. If you know anyone that could be struggling, please reach out to them. Let them know that you are there for them and that you wanted to check on them. This is huge to the person struggling.

As I mentioned earlier, I do not like asking for help. I am stubborn. After I had a nervous breakdown in 2022, I did not talk about it to anyone. Amy had told a couple of my close friends, and I was ok with that. One of those close friends called me at least once a day to check on me. I cannot describe how this made me feel. This friend made sure that I understood how important I was to them and how much they loved me. That is huge for someone that just faced a nervous breakdown and is trying to recover.

Even though I was stubborn and did not reach out to someone, I had someone reach out to me. That made me feel like I was important to somebody. Of course, my wife and daughter were very worried about me, and they expressed how important I was to them. But, having a friend call and check on me like that and telling me those things played a big part in my recovery. I had another friend that I am really close to that really hurt me. They never reached out even after they found out what was going on, they never reached out about it. That really upset me knowing that they knew what I was facing but was not there for me when I needed them the most. Do not be that friend. Make sure you check on your friends and let them know that you love them.

My cousin Stacy reached out to me after losing both of my parents and best friend. She made sure that I knew that she loved me and that she was there for me. This was coming from someone that had their own tragedies and trauma from which they are recovering. This meant a lot to me knowing that she still was available to check on me and make sure that I was ok.

To those struggling, do not be afraid to reach out to someone when you need to. We all need help from time to time. Do not be ashamed to ask for help. As lonely as you may feel sometimes, you need to know that you are not alone. Somebody is there willing to help you if you reach out to them. There are those around you that can sympathize and listen to your problems if you just open up. You have to make the move to reach out and touch someone.

To the friends out there, do not be the friend that pretends they do not notice something is not right. Be the friend that checks on their friends and asks them if they can help. Be that ear to listen, be that friend that is not afraid to tell them how much you love them. Check on those that have lost loved ones, check on those that you know are struggling with their jobs, their home life, their addictions, and let them know that you are there to listen and help. You never know how many lives you may save just by listening and being there for someone. I hope this blog has helped someone. I hope the person reading this blog will leave us a comment giving us feedback. Remember, do not be afraid to ask for help. Everyone needs help from time to time.