Forgive

By: Jason Marcle

What does it mean to forgive? Have you ever asked someone to
forgive you for a wrongdoing?  I hate this subject because it is one of my weaknesses.  It is hard for me both ways.  It is really hard for me to apologize to someone and admit that I am wrong.  On the flip side, it is hard to forgive someone that has hurt you or someone close to you. To live a Rent-Free life, we must forgive others. We must also forgive ourselves.  Some situations are easier to forgive than others. Trust me,
I understand completely.  I have one individual that I am not sure if I will ever be able to forgive them or not.  I’m trying though. When I write a
mental health blog, I am normally talking to myself and someone else can relate to the same scenario. I hope that I can help others through my struggles and experience. We all seek forgiveness from someone at some point. I expect
others to forgive me easily but then I feel like I shouldn’t have to forgive
anyone. Forgiving is something simple. It isn’t just saying in your head that
you forgive someone. It doesn’t matter how much I tell myself that I have
forgiven that one individual if I still have resentments towards that person.
If I still mention that person in a negative way, I haven’t forgiven them.  I don’t have to like the person to forgive them, but I can hold a grudge for something I have supposedly forgiven them for.  The individual I have a problem
with took two lives by accident. Accidents happen, but this person lied about
the accident and sued one of their own family members. By me making that last comment, does it sound like I have
forgiven that person?  Nope! I want to, but it isn’t that easy. I want to seek revenge. I want to see this person get what they have coming to them. That is my human nature.  This incident is where I got the term “Rent-Free”.  I was speaking in a men’s group at church. I was talking to the group about the incident and how I felt about this individual responsible for the accident.  I was disclosing my attitude for this individual. That is when one of the guys in the group responded and said “you must pack his bags. You can’t allow him to live Rent-Free in your head”.  That really made me think. The person that told me this, is
the same person that took me to my first AA meeting.  I had quit drinking at this time, but he took
me to a meeting so I could understand that I wasn’t alone. That room full of
people could relate to my story and help me. The program could teach me how I
need to change and how I couldn’t do it alone. Forgiveness is hard. I have prayed for this individual. I
have prayed for their soul. I have prayed that they will realize how much
damage they have caused.  I have prayed
for the person to die; I have prayed that I could even witness that
individual’s last breath.  That is
powerful. That is the power of hate.  I
started with the right intentions, but then the hate took over. Now I realize
that even if I could inflict pain on this individual or just witness their last
breath, it would be temporary.  It would
not fix the outcome. It isn’t going to bring back those 2 innocent kids that
lost their lives.  I also know that by
thinking this way, I am passing judgement on that one individual.  I know it isn’t right. Then I think back to when Jesus was beaten, tortured beyond
our imagination. He was nailed to a cross made of wood. This man had never hurt
anyone. He had never done wrong; he was perfect in every way. Jesus died for my
sins. He died so I could have the hope of salvation. He didn’t just die for me
though. He died for you. He died for this individual that has caused so much
pain in my family. I don’t know the state of this individual today. He may have
confessed and very well may be forgiven by God for his wrongdoing. His sin, his
lie is no different than any sin I have had in my life. A sin is a sin. All sin
has the same consequence.  It isn’t my
place to judge anyone.  As a friend once
told me, “You are getting into God’s business. We must mind our own business
and stay out of God’s business”. Read that again and think about that for just
a minute. Only God knows the state of that individual’s heart.  He will be judged righteously by God. Romans 12:19-21 ESV says: Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the
wrath of God, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the
Lord.” To the contrary, “if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty,
give him something to drink; for by so doing you will heap burning coals on his
head.” Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.Wow! Those 3 verses tell us exactly how to handle our
enemies. God wants us to live in peace. He wants us to leave the judging up to
him. By not forgiving, my peace is being kidnapped. The person I am resentful
at doesn’t care if I am mad or upset. That person very well could be living in
peace while I am living in turmoil. Hebrews 12: 14-15 ESV says:“Make every effort to live in peace with everyone and to
be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord. See to it that no one falls
short of the grace of God and that no bitter root grows up to cause trouble and
defile many.”When I don’t live in peace, when I don’t forgive others, it
doesn’t just affect me. It affects everyone around me. It affects my personal
mental health journey.  It affects my
emotional expression. My anger will be directed at those around me even though
they are not the people I am mad at. My sadness robs my wife of a good weekend.
It robs her of a happy husband, a happy home. I feel like my grudge is hurting
the individual, I am mad at. In reality, it is hurting my family and myself
more than the person the anger is directed at. We all have a choice to forgive. We don’t have to forget,
but we need to let God be the judge not us. Any punishment we can inflict on
someone will only be temporary. God can inflict eternal punishment if he so
chooses. My God is a just God. He is righteous in everything that he does. God’s
desire for us is to love like he loves. Not to hate like Satan hates.  Satan wants us to doubt God and take the
judging and the punishment on ourselves. He wants us to feel the same hate that
he does. We must forgive to be forgiven. We must understand that God has a
plan. A perfect plan. Everything will work out if we don’t stand in the way. I am not perfect. I am a work in progress. I need to forgive
with my heart and not just my mind. Can you imagine what real peace would feel
like? We all have the option of living in peace today. We just need to follow God’s
word. Romans 12:17-19 ESV:Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what
is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on
you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but
leave room for Gods wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will
repay,” says the Lord.