Conversations with Dad…

By: Jason Marcle

Conversations with Dad

Jason Marcle

One thing I miss the most about my dad is the conversations, the learning experiences I had with him.  I miss being able to call him each day on my way home from work to find out what kind of project he was working on.  He would ask me about Amy and my daughter.  He loved my family more than anyone could know. That is why I feel such a void with him gone. He was more than a father, he was one of my best friends. That is a role that nobody else can ever fill.

After my father’s passing, I found his green Coleman lantern. I also found an old Coleman camp stove that we would use to cook catfish on from time to time. The stove was a mustard yellow in color, the bottom right corner had a hole rusted through it and dad had a piece of metal he cut out to cover the hole so the stove could still be used.  This is what got me started collecting Coleman lanterns. I wanted to restore that stove to new condition. It brought back many memories of my dad. After discussing with a friend of mine, I found out that that mustard colored stove was rare. You could only purchase one of these by using Gold Bond grocery stamps. I found out that there was a market for Coleman products and people restore and collect these items.

During this time, I was still in shock from losing my dad. I just wanted to restore that stove for him. He always had some kind of project going on, so I wanted a project to work on to keep my head busy.

This is how I found the old camp stove.  You can see the hole in back corner. 

I knew nothing about restoring things like this. I could see where dad had spray painted the inside of the stove trying to keep it from rusting more.  I went to the store and bought some Bondo and fiberglass patching. I couldn’t make it much worse.  I spent many days and hours on this old stove. I completely disassembled and sanded this entire stove. During the process, I can’t begin to tell you the conversations I had with my father.  I could picture him right beside me telling me what to do next and how he would go about repairing the stove. I was determined to get this stove back to its original shape.

It took around 6 weeks for me to restore this stove.  I was so afraid that I would mess up this stove to the point it couldn’t be restored. Again, I had never done anything like this before. I continued to work on it because I could feel my dad. I wanted to make him proud. I didn’t want that feeling of him being beside me to ever go away. After I got everything ready to paint, I had a body shop in town match and paint the stove for me. I wanted to make sure that it looked correct after all the hard work I had put into it. This was the final result.

I know that this would have made my dad proud. I felt as if I was a little crazy because the whole time I was working on this stove, I could feel my dad. Now what was I going to work on?  His green Coleman lantern!  I went online and studied about these lanterns. I found out how they worked. I then tore his lantern completely down and cleaned it up. During the process, I found my dad’s presence again. It only took about a week as I had never worked on a lantern before and the paint was already good, so I just had to clean it up and get it running. 

This was a hard process because even though I could feel my dad, I couldn’t see him.  I was use to the time when anytime I had something to work on, my dad would come over to watch me, or to help me. It was like he enjoyed every project I ever worked on. It hurt his feelings when I was replacing my flooring to the vinyl plank flooring because he had been going through chemo treatments and wasn’t able to help. He was able to come over and watch though. That was enough for me.

At the time, I had always taken his presence for granted. Today, I miss those days more than ever.  You never know how much a person means to you until they are no longer around. Today I feel an absence that can’t be filled. An emptiness every time I work out in the shop. Even though I still feel his presence today, it isn’t the same as hearing his laugh or listening to his advice on how to do something.

I am very proud of the relationship we had. I am grateful that I have no regrets when it comes to my dad.  I am thankful because I can still feel today how proud my dad was of my family.  He spent many Christmas mornings with us as my mother was working as a nurse at the time. He would come over and we would fix breakfast, and he would watch us open our gifts. It just made his day. He knew exactly how to say I love you in many different ways. He wasn’t a resentful person at all.

The point of all this is to remind me that I need to be more like my dad.  I need to pay attention to how I am treating others when I am around them. We never know when someone will leave us forever. We don’t know when we will leave this Earth.  With the passing of so many people in such a short amount of time, I have realized how short life really is.

It is easier said than done, but we need to live everyday like it is our last day. We need to treat everyone like it is their last day with us. We never know when that last day will be. Too many things in today’s world obstructs us of forming a bond with other people. Today, we are more worried about our cellphones than to go and check on others around us. I wonder if my daughter could find an item of mine that she would cherish like I cherish my dad’s camp stove.  Have I built a relationship with her like my father did with me?

You may be asking, what does any of this have to do with mental health? The first thing that comes to mind is that if you are grieving someone, find something to occupy your mind. Find that connection to the one you are grieving so you can feel them when you are keeping your mind busy.  Talk to that person if you need to. Write that person a letter if you feel like it.  For me, it keeps that person close to me even though I can’t see them any longer. Build that bond today with your family. Don’t give into the sadness and depression. It will take every bit of life out of you. Make sure you are creating memories with your family even if it is something small like cooking catfish on a camp stove.  Memories will live for as long as you want them to.

To this day, I still work on Coleman lanterns. I worked on 9 lanterns yesterday. If my dad was still here, I know he would have spent at least 3 hours with me yesterday while I worked on them.  It also allows me and my wife to make some memories. I like to travel to places I haven’t been before now to check out their antique stores and search for lanterns. There is something fulfilling about taking something old and extending the life of that object. That sounds like a great idea for another blog to me.

Today when I feel alone or when I am missing my dad, I have a place to go. To my workshop. Grieving is hard for everyone. It is a very lonely place. You have to find a healthy way to deal with that grief. I could turn to drugs and alcohol, but that won’t bring me closer to my dad, it will just push him away farther. Go out and find that connection. Don’t be afraid of what others will think. Everyone deals with grief differently.

Hebrews 13:5 ESV says “Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” 

James 4:145 says “The reality is you have no idea where your life will take you tomorrow. You are like a mist that appears one moment and then vanishes another.”

Are you currently grieving someone? Do you feel alone? Feel free to reach out to us. We would love to hear from you. You may decide that you want to share your story with us, we would love to hear it.