After the Storm

By: Amy Marcle

When I was a young child, I was always terrified of thunderstorms. Saying I was scared would be an understatement. A tremendous understatement. I guess I have been coping with anxiety longer than I realize. I can remember listening intensely to the radio or cautiously watching the television when severe weather warnings were issued, paying special attention to the counties listed to see if mine was included. And when mine was named, BAM…I went into a hysterical fit just knowing my death was imminent. I would gather my belongings and find the safest place in the house to bunker down in until the storms would pass. I would walk into the room where my family was resting and start shouting announcements as if I worked for the National Weather Service. It made no difference if the tornado was 25 miles away moving in the opposite direction of my house or if it was touching down in my neighbors’ backyard, I was worried. I was certain this is how I was going to die.

As I grew older, storms did not bother me anymore. I actually began to enjoy sitting outside on the porch and watching the clouds gather and roll across my house. I enjoyed the rain, the thunder, the lightning, all of it. I suppose I had grown up and had stopped being scared of simple thunderstorms, because the worst storm of my life was coming.

Addiction in any form is easily one of the toughest storms to walk through. Like a tornado, you are not really sure what damage it is going to cause. You are not sure who is going to end up getting hurt in the process. You are not sure if you are going to survive. And sometimes, like sudden storms, you are not 100% sure where it even originated. But most importantly, you are not sure who will be there to help you clean up after the storm. Who will be there offering assistance to help you get your life back together? Who will be there to hold you accountable for your actions? People will line up for miles to help you if you lose your house in a storm. But, they tend to shy away from helping you clean up the mess your addiction makes. Nobody wants to be associated with an addict. Nobody.

Overcoming addiction is one of the most badass things an individual can do. Unlike thunderstorms that roll in and out in a few moments, addictive behaviors can last for years. Addictions do not hurt at first. They work gradually taking more and more away from you both mentally and physically. Many addictions are a form of suicide…a slow suicide. Recovering from such a horrific, self-induced punishment of self requires strength, determination, faith, and hope.

After cleaning up from some storms that have passed through recently, I noticed our neighbors walking around picking up debris that had blown around during the storm. Everyone was busy working to replace what had been tossed by the winds. Everyone was cleaning up the mess that storm had left behind whether it was tree limbs, garbage cans, or other items messed up by the storm. I thought about how recovery from addiction resembles storm cleanup. Instead of picking up trash, we are picking up our lives. Instead of cleaning up debris, we are cleaning our souls. And most often, we are doing it alone.

When I was younger, I would run and hide from the storms because I was afraid of what the storm itself would do to me. As an adult, the storm became my safe place. I turned towards addiction to feel safe from real life and all of the issues I was facing. My addiction, as scary as it was, became the only place that I felt I could control the outcome. I was now running straight to the storms instead of from them. What a plot twist!

Individuals who find themselves battling addiction do not find themselves addicted because of what they gain from addiction but rather what they lose. They lose the ability to care. They lose the ability to focus on other problems. They lose the ability to feel pain or feel anything at all. Like a storm, addiction takes away so much, but for the addict, the feelings it takes away are the ones they don’t want to face anyway. What the addict does not see at the time is that addiction also takes away relationships. Addiction takes away friendships. Addiction takes away from your spiritual relationship with God. Addiction takes away precious time that you will never regain. Addiction takes away memories. The list goes on and on. I wish I had a way to bring back all the wasted moments I spent stepping on scales. I wish I had the time back I spent counting calories instead of coloring with my child. I wish I had back the moments where all I did was sleep instead of going places with my family. I missed meals and events because I was too afraid of not being able to count every stinking calorie I may eat. It was easier to just stay home. I wish I had those invitations to go places back again.

The beauty of a storm is often how gorgeous God makes the skies after the storm has passed. Afternoons are often cooler after a storm. Sunsets are often breathtaking in the aftermath of a summer storm. The same is true with recovery. Having a successful recovery storm is a beautiful story to share, even if you have to weather sharing the storm. When you find yourself in a recovered state, the peace you find is unimaginable. My hope is that everyone who is currently facing addiction finds their own recovery sunset. If I can do it…you can do it! I have faith in people overcoming addiction because I am one of those who did.

We began this blog to help people like us realize that there is anxiety support and resources available to help you in your personal mental health journey.

Let me also encourage you to lean on God during your recovery. We learn in Psalms 107:28-30 that “then they cried out to the Lord in their trouble, and He brought them out of their distress. He stilled the storm to a whisper; the waves of the sea were hushed. They were glad when it grew calm, and He guided them to their desired haven.”

Let God bring you out of the storm. I promise the view is beautiful.